145.73

The mad scientist, let me show her to you.

See, I've read people's reactions to MGS4, and as far as what it reveals about the Patriots and Para-medic, there's a general consensus of "when did Para-medic turn into such an evil bitch."

( Spoiler warning for THE WHOLE DAMN SERIES )

( This ficlet has created a time paradox. )

Para-medic recently told Kabuto about a 1925 movie in which Professor Challenger took people on an expedition to a place where dinosaurs never died. The name of the movie should be "The Lost World," not "Jurassic Park;" this mix-up stems from Michael Crichton's fuckery.

-Tansy, Super Mushrooms.
-Camp's toucans.
-Mistletoe.
-Candy canes.
-Jell-o.
-Bear meat (Teddie).
-Seafood birdsnest.
-Duck. (Gosalyn).
-Waffles.
-Lamb.
-Mice and rats (Rakushun).
-Salt-water taffy.
-Pizza.

( Work in Progress )

( Metal Gear Solid 3 )

( Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops )

( Camp Fuck You Die )

Name: Dr. Clark/"Quack"/"Para-medic"
Age: 34
Height: 5 foot, 5 and 7/8th inches.
Weight: "Top Secret"
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Officially, it's red.  But it looks brown...?

Medical Info: Para-medic seems to have gotten into good shape as she established the paramedic system and had to do things like parachuting into front lines. She's generally a non-combatant, though, so she doesn't really have any injuries.

Physical Traits: Para-medic is pretty much what-you-see-is-what-you-get. She'll usually be wearing her Portable Ops front lines outfit any time she's planning on going out, and she'll do her dress-and-a-jacket getup when she's staying inside.

What’s OK to Mention: Anything. This is METAL GEAR.

Notes for Psychics: Para-medic's mind is cluttered with horrible B-movies. She'll never mention her real name but a psychic can get the Dr. Clark, the Quack nickname and the embarrassing story behind that.  If you get her on the topic of Snake, she'll think about all the times he's been naked/stripped other men.  Also embarrassing little things like how she worries that she isn't ladylike, and the fact that she is afraid of Martians. Oh yes and she's going to be helping run the world from the shadows. LA-LI-LU-LE-LO

Abilities: Portable Ops stats give her an "A" rank with handguns, and she comes with a Mk22 tranq pistol. She also has an "A" in Close-Quarters Combat. She has a "B" with submachine guns, traps, and technical skill. And naturally she's an extremely capable medical specialist.  There's the MGS support team ability to know what you're doing over the radio even though technically she can't see you.  She can also Save.

Hugging/kissing/other non-violent physical contact: You may hug. Most likely any physical contact will be initiated by her as part of a medical procedure.

Can I shapeshift/bodyswap/spit at/step on/etc?: Please contact me first.

Fighting: Again, contact first--though I'd rather not, as despite her combat stats, Para-medic is primarily noncombatant.

Maim/Murder/Death: Video game death, maybe?  I really don't see her being in a position to die, but you never know.

Cooking: Para-medic comes prepared with recipes since she started working with Snake! But they aren't quite "normal..."

Character: Dr. Clark/"Quack"/"Para-medic"
Series: Metal Gear Solid series
Job idea: Camp Nutritionist
Character Age: 34, as of Portable Ops
Canon: If The Boss invented modern espionage, then Para-medic is the woman who invented the modern battlefield medic. An eccentric doctor with an interest in genetic research, she was brought on Naked Snake's support team to do two jobs: to Save his game, and to walk him through using the Survival Viewer to maintain his Life and Stamina Gauges. This half of her job essentially boils down to trying to tell him what wild plants and animals are edible--but for the most part, what she has to say falls on deaf ears, as all Snake really wants to know is how everything tastes.

Luckily there's more to her life than her job. Para-medic is also a diehard movie fan, and she is prone to attempting to relate what bad 50's and 60's era movies have taught her as a way of giving advice to Snake--no matter how far-fetched it is. As for the nickname "Quack," her patients started calling her that because as a doctor...she never shuts up.

Sample Post: Have any of you zombies ever seen "The Magnetic Monster?" Would you like me to tell you about it? ...No? Why not? It's a brilliant movie released in 1953, incredibly well-directed with compelling and imaginative ideas. When an unstable metal is treated with alpha particles, it starts to eat massive amounts of energy and growing in size. The movie bills it as a Cosmic Frankenstein. If two scientists don't feed it, it'll implode and cause a catastrophe, but if they keep feeding it, it'll keep growing and destroy everything! So they decide to overfeed it, "killing" it, and stabilizing the element. Do you know what that means?

It's a cautionary tale about watching what you eat. Any food you eat will fill your Stamina gauge, but how much it's filled depends on what you eat. If you only eat food with a poor nutritional value, you'll eat yourself to death trying to top off your Stamina. And if you can't fill up your Stamina, you'll barely be able to stumble around, much less move fast enough to catch anything else to eat. And your wounds won't heal very quickly--it's no wonder you don't have a Life bar left!

Brains are a start, but alone they don't fill any of your dietary needs. Sure, a zombie can live indefinitely on a diet of brains, but it isn't really living, is it? Instead of eating more, try to eat smarter--next time you sit down for a meal, try having some Tansy herb with your brain. According to the survival guide, Tansy grows in grassy wastelands, so you should be able to find some in the Clearing in the Center of Camp area. It's poisonous in large quantities, but the leaves and flowers can be used to make a wormifuge tea. That'll help get rid of any worms you have eating through your system. And the best part is, it has a strong smell that should help keep flies away! All in all, it's perfect for a zombie who's been out in the sun for a long time. If you can't find any Tansy, you could also try eating a Super Mushroom. They're also known as "Magic Mushrooms." The guide doesn't have much to say about it, but you can find them hidden inside of bricks. If you're creative, maybe you can find a way to knock one out... Anyway, when you eat the mushroom, it should give you a temporary growth spurt. With your new size, you really will be like the Magnetic Monster!

Once you've topped off your Stamina, you should finally be able to heal your wounds. If they still won't heal, you'll just have to try using some LIFE medicine--you can get some by holding up one of the doctors in the hospital.

...Oh, will you get serious?! LIFE medicine won't have a harmful effect on you just because you're a zombie. This isn't a game, this is real life. Now you go and get that LIFE medicine, push Start to enter the Survival Viewer, and heal yourself!

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